Drinking Makes Me Fat ...

Why do I love beer so much? I promise it will be the death of me! I should really think of a name for the keg I carry on my stomach every morning after I wake up from a fun night at the bar.

I consumed over 1,300 calories in Bud Light yesterday, add to that over 700 calories in the three Irish Car Bombs I did and that's basically 2,000 calories in alcohol. Well, I guess I found my down fall right there. Great. I drank more calories in a few hours than I really should eat in a day. I could have had 10 grilled chicken breasts and been all pumped up on protein.

On the flip side, I did have a late night swimming session (clothing optional) so that may have burned off some calories. Back to the point: Sunday fun day my ass. Not happening.

Good news is from the 24 hour diet I've still kept off three pounds. Bad news: my stomach has been cramping for a few days and I'm not totally regular in the bathroom department yet.

I've got to change my routine and my friend Rachel has convinced me how to do it. New plan of attack at the bar: vodka, water, and the zero calorie crystal light packets. Rachel let me try her drink and it was YUMMY, ladies! Guys, if I see you drinking this I WILL most likely make fun of you, and then buy you another drink for reading my blog.

Here's where we run into an issue, the higher the potency of your vodka, the more calories it has. So is it really worth it? I guess it all depends on your mood: let's dance the night away and not remember anything or damn I look good in this dress and I want to continue to fit into it. FYI for all of you Long Island Ice Tea drinkers ... you're screwed. There's almost 800 calories in one of those alone (8 ounces). Plus, you really aren't a better dancer drunk any way. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Tomorrow I will celebrate Labor Day by fasting again. Experts say you can do the 24 hour diet once a week and you'll live. Thank goodness because this belly fat isn't getting me any closer to my goal of being a twig again. (Oh wait, we realized why a couple minutes ago: I drink too much!) Finishing off the last half of my 48 Hollywood Diet drink tomorrow and then it's on to the 14 day cleanse. Oh goody I can't wait. I should probably go stock up on toilet tissue right now. Diapers may be in my basket too. ("I sheet on the toilet." Please tell me you've seen that commercial.)

Last piece of advice ... This skinny woman Val says she knows how we can get our bikini body's back in 24 hours. I'm wondering where this bitch was all summer, but that's besides the point. "Trainer to the stars" Val says every morning we should make a big huge pot of lemon and cucumber water. If you didn't know, lemon and asparagus have mild diuretics in them. Once again, be near a toilet. She also says we should all get spray tans because it will make us feel better about ourselves. Wow Val, a personal trainer and a therapist. all in one. Do you sell a self tanner too? Genius.

Case-in-point: 24 hour diet tomorrow. Drink vodka, water, and crystal light. We'll all be skinny by Tuesday.

- A