Cheese sticks, fried pickles, Thai food, Chinese, pizza, steak ... I can't stop thinking about food!
Today was the 24 hour Hollywood Diet and let me tell you, I don't know how girls are anorexic. I mean yesterday you couldn't pay me to eat something unhealthy and this morning, I woke up tasting tacos in my mouth! I was so hungry the second I woke up, but I knew it was because I couldn't eat all day!
Now you guys are going to laugh at me because up until 4:30 this afternoon, not only did I think I couldn't eat food, I thought I could drink water either! Reading that and saying it out loud makes me realize how dumb that sounds, but I did!
I didn't actually get the "this drink is going to make you fit into your skinny girl jeans" drink until about 1 this afternoon. I found the diet drink at CVS and wasn't too happy to see the orange juice looking thing was $20. CHEESE AND CRACKERS BATMAN! (Oh dear Lord cheese and crackers sound PHENOMENAL right now.) Twenty bucks to lose five pounds in 24 hours, I don't know if I can live with that. I guess I have to since I already paid with my mom's check. Whoops sorry mom, I was only suppose to pick up grandma's medicine, but HEY I didn't know CVS would have my koolaid for fat kids! (Love you momma!)
The Hollywood Diet says you're suppose to take four ounces of the juice and four ounces of water and mix them together to make the perfect skinny girl cocktail. I had to make three of these watered down OJ's and, "finish each one of them within four hours.". How would it take me any longer than four hours to finish an eight ounce drink, I don't know? I'm starving and YES I'll say it, I WANT SOMETHING IN MY MOUTH! (PG-13 Get your mind out of the gutter!) Now what I didn't realize until 4 this afternoon was that I am also suppose to have eight glasses of water today. I'll blame that one on the eye infection I'm currently battling.
Hold on, let me sip on my skinny bitch drink for a second.
It actually doesn't taste that bad.
Anyway, here's what I discovered today. Within three hours of starting this diet I had already lost ONE POUND. Not too shabby, hun. I will weigh myself again tomorrow morning and who wants to bet by the time tomorrow is over I gain all that weight back!
What the happy juice doesn't talk about on the advertisement is the fact that I've been tired all day today. Plus, I was really cranky while nanny. Maybe it was the little boy who always calls me fat? Maybe it was me? I'll leave that one for someone else to decide. It didn't help when the 9 year old girl asked for NACHOS as her after school snack. Just rub it in tiny 9 year old. What's your BMI ... yeah, didn't think so.
Wrapping this day up, I've had a headache, I'm tired, and I can't stop thinking about food. Hopefully I lose 5 pounds like I'm suppose to. I'm going to go walk and hopefully forget about food. I mean I was craving Lonestar Steak House today ... I'VE NEVER BEEN TO LONESTAR STEAK HOUSE. It's all about will-power people!
-A
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
BMI My Butt
Today was the infamous physical appointment at my doctors office. I hate to say it, but I was a nervous wreck before I got to her office. I was practically shaking! What do I actually weigh? From all of my alcoholic weekends and fast food hangover binges, what had I done to my body? I am HAPPY to say I survived my appointment, with only minor bruising to my ego. Talk about karma ... Hurricane Katrina should have been Hurricane Karma because that bitch was bad and so was my news.
I not only have an infection in my eye, which my eye doctor told me yesterday, but I also have an infection in my throat. I'm falling apart people and this thing hasn't even started yet!
I know you all want to know what I weigh, and yes, I'll kind of tell you. If you really want to find out, figure this out: My doctor, Kelli Blagg, says that my blood pressure and heart rate are stupendous, kind of, and my lungs and oxygen levels are outstanding. (OK so maybe she didn't use those words, but I asked her if I was going to die from this and she said no. No backing out of this one. Dang.)
I'm considered overweight. Thank GOD I'm not obese. I mean, baby got back, but baby's got front too. I can't have a FUPA, that's embarrassing! (For all of you who don't know what a FUPA is ... google it.) My BMI is at 29. That's not good. However, I am 5'10'' and MY DOCTOR (hint, hint, licensed by the state to practice medicine and knows her stuff) says I'm big boned. FINALLY SOMEONE AGREES WITH ME ON THAT ONE! One brownie point to the Doc. For a person my height and age, I should be within the weight range of 130 to 170 lbs.
I'm sorry, but while writing this post all I've wanted to say is "EFFIN A!". What the hell am I doing?!?! I really want to have a an episode and just write all the curse words I can imagine.
Back to being a PG-13 writer: the visit was a nice reality check. Since my last visit in March, I've gained 15 lbs. Whoa, I had no idea. That's a lie, let's be honest, my flippin' pants ripped yesterday, of course I knew I gained weight again. Darn it! I asked the doctor if I needed to wait a few days in between diets, to let my system level itself out, ya know (or to grab a case of Bud Light or something of that nature) and she says it's perfectly fine to do these diets back to back.
Kelli Blagg suggested that I start with the "GNC Total Lean: total Body Transformation System". Remember we talked about this yesterday ... cutie Kyle, 14 day program, any of this ringing a bell? Her logic makes sense considering the GNC program is suppose to cleanse and detox your body too. However, I found a recipe for the Hollywood Miracle Diet (24 or 48 hours) and I think I'll try that one first.
Here's my plan of attack: Do the 24 hour cleanse tomorrow, have fun on Thursday at the EIU football game (Adam Drake, wide receiver #88), start the 14 day GNC diet on Sunday. How does that sound? You can't ask me to give up my weekend to dieting. That's just rude.
Keep in mind readers, I know how to lose weight the correct way: less caloric intake, more exercise. Not that hard, but I have a short attention span.
One last thing ... parents, teach your little kids not to call people fat. The little boy I nanny for continues to call me fat and tells me I'm big. Listen 7 year old, BACK THE BLEEP OFF. At first it was funny, because I'm obviously not a twig, but it quickly became redundant and I keep imaging myself getting a running start and drop kicking him in the face. By the way, I do love this little boy to death, but when we're in the car and he goes, "When are you going to get a bigger car? You keep getting bigger so you probably need a bigger car too.". For now, I only imagine the drop kick for a split second, it may become my day dream.
Well folks that wraps it up. Here's the web link to the Hollywood Miracle Diet. I'll let you know how it goes! Pictures are coming! http://www.naturalhomecures.com/member/24hourdiet.html
- A
I not only have an infection in my eye, which my eye doctor told me yesterday, but I also have an infection in my throat. I'm falling apart people and this thing hasn't even started yet!
I know you all want to know what I weigh, and yes, I'll kind of tell you. If you really want to find out, figure this out: My doctor, Kelli Blagg, says that my blood pressure and heart rate are stupendous, kind of, and my lungs and oxygen levels are outstanding. (OK so maybe she didn't use those words, but I asked her if I was going to die from this and she said no. No backing out of this one. Dang.)
I'm considered overweight. Thank GOD I'm not obese. I mean, baby got back, but baby's got front too. I can't have a FUPA, that's embarrassing! (For all of you who don't know what a FUPA is ... google it.) My BMI is at 29. That's not good. However, I am 5'10'' and MY DOCTOR (hint, hint, licensed by the state to practice medicine and knows her stuff) says I'm big boned. FINALLY SOMEONE AGREES WITH ME ON THAT ONE! One brownie point to the Doc. For a person my height and age, I should be within the weight range of 130 to 170 lbs.
I'm sorry, but while writing this post all I've wanted to say is "EFFIN A!". What the hell am I doing?!?! I really want to have a an episode and just write all the curse words I can imagine.
Back to being a PG-13 writer: the visit was a nice reality check. Since my last visit in March, I've gained 15 lbs. Whoa, I had no idea. That's a lie, let's be honest, my flippin' pants ripped yesterday, of course I knew I gained weight again. Darn it! I asked the doctor if I needed to wait a few days in between diets, to let my system level itself out, ya know (or to grab a case of Bud Light or something of that nature) and she says it's perfectly fine to do these diets back to back.
Kelli Blagg suggested that I start with the "GNC Total Lean: total Body Transformation System". Remember we talked about this yesterday ... cutie Kyle, 14 day program, any of this ringing a bell? Her logic makes sense considering the GNC program is suppose to cleanse and detox your body too. However, I found a recipe for the Hollywood Miracle Diet (24 or 48 hours) and I think I'll try that one first.
Here's my plan of attack: Do the 24 hour cleanse tomorrow, have fun on Thursday at the EIU football game (Adam Drake, wide receiver #88), start the 14 day GNC diet on Sunday. How does that sound? You can't ask me to give up my weekend to dieting. That's just rude.
Keep in mind readers, I know how to lose weight the correct way: less caloric intake, more exercise. Not that hard, but I have a short attention span.
One last thing ... parents, teach your little kids not to call people fat. The little boy I nanny for continues to call me fat and tells me I'm big. Listen 7 year old, BACK THE BLEEP OFF. At first it was funny, because I'm obviously not a twig, but it quickly became redundant and I keep imaging myself getting a running start and drop kicking him in the face. By the way, I do love this little boy to death, but when we're in the car and he goes, "When are you going to get a bigger car? You keep getting bigger so you probably need a bigger car too.". For now, I only imagine the drop kick for a split second, it may become my day dream.
Well folks that wraps it up. Here's the web link to the Hollywood Miracle Diet. I'll let you know how it goes! Pictures are coming! http://www.naturalhomecures.com/member/24hourdiet.html
- A
Monday, August 29, 2011
Holy Money Bags!!!
I feel like I need to write some type of disclaimer on here. Considering the fact I'm reviewing these money guzzling diets, I am not a doctor. Yes, I have been in school long enough to most likely be a doctor or a professional in something, but I'm not. The purpose of this blog is for the "real-life person" to attempt these diets and come up with real results. This is what I promise you: Any program I try, I will absolutely 100% follow them. Unless one of these diet plans tells me not to, I will also be doing some light cardio exercises and weight training. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think this is an over night transition. Plus, who knows how long my bank account can afford this!
UMMMMMMMM I've already figured out why these diets are "short-term". They're flippin' expensive! I went to GNC and this little cutie in khaki pants, button up shirt, and tie helped me out. (The receipt says his name is Kyle. Ladies, go have yourself a little inspiration peak at good ole' Kyle.)
HOLY MONEY BAGS, GNC you may have just stolen $50.49 from me! Cutie Kyle told me I should try the "GNC Total Lean: Total Body Transformation System". The program allegedly has a "very strong outcome" and blue eyes Kyle says he's had a lot of customers come back for another go with it. FYI Kyle, I'm guessing it's not just because of the free magazine you threw in the $50 GNC bag, but thanks anyway.
More so to the point, the "you're body's going to be rockin' in 2 weeks" program may begin next week. I have my reasons people! I want to give you my full attention and Eastern Illinois University football team has a game on Thursday so ... I can't promise success till after that game. (P.S. My brother is a wide reciever for EIU #88. I'm not pimping him out, but I think I saw him on the cover of Men's Health once. Ok maybe I superimposed his body on there, but he belongs center stage. Look him up.)
I really want to try the Hollywood Diet juice first. This juice claims you can lose up to 10 pounds in 48 hours.
Fun fact: This diet couldn't come any sooner. The second I sat down to write this blog, I ripped my favorite pants. God is being pretty direct with me today. Thanks big man, got your point, working on it!
Back to the Hollywood Diet ... I'm going to post the link to buy the juice on this page. It's looking like Wal Mart is in a strong first in front of the other sellers of the miracle juice. You'll probably spend $12 on the potent potion. Something to know, every Wal Mart in Central Illinois is sold out of this product. BOO WALLY WORLD! You can order it online though with free shipping so YAY WALLY!
Reading some reviews of the Hollywood diet, most people did lose the 10 pounds it claims you'll lose. Taking two steps back though, they say all you lose is water weight and it's really easy to put back on. Surprise, surprise. I found the reviews on eopinions.com and one opinion giver says the diet restricts you to only 400 calories a day. I wonder if I'll have mood swings from this one?
Needless to say the beginning of this blog is starting off fierce. I still can't decide: After my physical tomorrow should is disclose my weight or hide it till the end? ANXIETY ATTACK!
-A
UMMMMMMMM I've already figured out why these diets are "short-term". They're flippin' expensive! I went to GNC and this little cutie in khaki pants, button up shirt, and tie helped me out. (The receipt says his name is Kyle. Ladies, go have yourself a little inspiration peak at good ole' Kyle.)
HOLY MONEY BAGS, GNC you may have just stolen $50.49 from me! Cutie Kyle told me I should try the "GNC Total Lean: Total Body Transformation System". The program allegedly has a "very strong outcome" and blue eyes Kyle says he's had a lot of customers come back for another go with it. FYI Kyle, I'm guessing it's not just because of the free magazine you threw in the $50 GNC bag, but thanks anyway.
More so to the point, the "you're body's going to be rockin' in 2 weeks" program may begin next week. I have my reasons people! I want to give you my full attention and Eastern Illinois University football team has a game on Thursday so ... I can't promise success till after that game. (P.S. My brother is a wide reciever for EIU #88. I'm not pimping him out, but I think I saw him on the cover of Men's Health once. Ok maybe I superimposed his body on there, but he belongs center stage. Look him up.)
I really want to try the Hollywood Diet juice first. This juice claims you can lose up to 10 pounds in 48 hours.
Fun fact: This diet couldn't come any sooner. The second I sat down to write this blog, I ripped my favorite pants. God is being pretty direct with me today. Thanks big man, got your point, working on it!
Back to the Hollywood Diet ... I'm going to post the link to buy the juice on this page. It's looking like Wal Mart is in a strong first in front of the other sellers of the miracle juice. You'll probably spend $12 on the potent potion. Something to know, every Wal Mart in Central Illinois is sold out of this product. BOO WALLY WORLD! You can order it online though with free shipping so YAY WALLY!
Reading some reviews of the Hollywood diet, most people did lose the 10 pounds it claims you'll lose. Taking two steps back though, they say all you lose is water weight and it's really easy to put back on. Surprise, surprise. I found the reviews on eopinions.com and one opinion giver says the diet restricts you to only 400 calories a day. I wonder if I'll have mood swings from this one?
Needless to say the beginning of this blog is starting off fierce. I still can't decide: After my physical tomorrow should is disclose my weight or hide it till the end? ANXIETY ATTACK!
-A
Guinea Pig: The Experiment
Hello loves and WELCOME to my newest adventure! I've been thinking about my next big mountain to climb for a while now, and this "experiment" came together in my racing head late last night/early this morning. Are you ready for this? I hope I am ...
My generation is all about trends and fads. (Oh, and instant gratification.) We're all about trying to fit in and conforming to the "social norm". Well what the hell is the social norm anyway? A few words that come to mind:
- Skinny
- Pretty
- Cosmos (drink & magazine)
- Flawless Skin
- Perfection
Yea, all those words are making me pretty sick to my stomach right about now. (I'm just learning how to work this blog and I'm going to attempt to upload pictures but stay with me here.) For any of you who knew me about two years back, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I WAS GETTING CURVY? (***I shall refrain from using the word fat, because I do love my curves ... and my booty that the burgers gave me.***) I mean seriously, could anyone have said, "Hey Avery, why don't you trade the cheeseburger for a salad," or, "Listen girlfriend, a diet coke wouldn't kill ya!" Some friends you all are! :)
Here's my proposal: I'm going to try all those "fast acting" "100% guaranteed to work or get your money back" fad diets. I figure I'll go on each diet, depending on the requested amount of time, for at least 7 to 10 days. No, I'm not taking the pills that Ronny from the Jersey Shore is trying to sell. Let's be honest, he ruined that brand. However, I'm thinking Atkins Diet, Cabbage Soup cleansing, Hollywood Drink Diet, anything I can find and anything you offer me. Let's see if these "you'll be skinny as a rail in 72 hours diets" actually get me back down to my slim and trim body.
Now we need to set a time limit. It's Monday, August 29 and it seems to me like 8 weeks should be a good amount of time. I'll most likely have to take a couple weekends off, braking in between diets due to alcohol consumption. I'm a college kid, it's football season, get over it. This means we're looking at 10 to 12 weeks. Holy cow I hope I can do this.
I have a physical set up with my doctor tomorrow. I'll give you all the THICK and JUICY, and yes I'm being punny, details tomorrow. Whoa, I haven't exactly come to terms with telling everyone my weight. I can't promise anything on the first day.
Back to the doctors appointment: Do you think I should wear my high school P.E. clothes to try and not look like an idiot when I walk in and say, "Curvy kid here for the five year physical?". Yea, I asked for the appointment and the receptionist said, "Um, is this for school or for sports?" Listen lady, you already asked for my birth date, you know I'm not in high school, and as far as sporting events go, I'm usually the one doing the 12 oz. curls. TAKE THAT ATHLETES.
All in all, physical tomorrow, first diet starting Wednesday, going to try and upload pictures. WISH ME LUCK!
- Guinea Pig
My generation is all about trends and fads. (Oh, and instant gratification.) We're all about trying to fit in and conforming to the "social norm". Well what the hell is the social norm anyway? A few words that come to mind:
- Skinny
- Pretty
- Cosmos (drink & magazine)
- Flawless Skin
- Perfection
Yea, all those words are making me pretty sick to my stomach right about now. (I'm just learning how to work this blog and I'm going to attempt to upload pictures but stay with me here.) For any of you who knew me about two years back, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I WAS GETTING CURVY? (***I shall refrain from using the word fat, because I do love my curves ... and my booty that the burgers gave me.***) I mean seriously, could anyone have said, "Hey Avery, why don't you trade the cheeseburger for a salad," or, "Listen girlfriend, a diet coke wouldn't kill ya!" Some friends you all are! :)
Here's my proposal: I'm going to try all those "fast acting" "100% guaranteed to work or get your money back" fad diets. I figure I'll go on each diet, depending on the requested amount of time, for at least 7 to 10 days. No, I'm not taking the pills that Ronny from the Jersey Shore is trying to sell. Let's be honest, he ruined that brand. However, I'm thinking Atkins Diet, Cabbage Soup cleansing, Hollywood Drink Diet, anything I can find and anything you offer me. Let's see if these "you'll be skinny as a rail in 72 hours diets" actually get me back down to my slim and trim body.
Now we need to set a time limit. It's Monday, August 29 and it seems to me like 8 weeks should be a good amount of time. I'll most likely have to take a couple weekends off, braking in between diets due to alcohol consumption. I'm a college kid, it's football season, get over it. This means we're looking at 10 to 12 weeks. Holy cow I hope I can do this.
I have a physical set up with my doctor tomorrow. I'll give you all the THICK and JUICY, and yes I'm being punny, details tomorrow. Whoa, I haven't exactly come to terms with telling everyone my weight. I can't promise anything on the first day.
Back to the doctors appointment: Do you think I should wear my high school P.E. clothes to try and not look like an idiot when I walk in and say, "Curvy kid here for the five year physical?". Yea, I asked for the appointment and the receptionist said, "Um, is this for school or for sports?" Listen lady, you already asked for my birth date, you know I'm not in high school, and as far as sporting events go, I'm usually the one doing the 12 oz. curls. TAKE THAT ATHLETES.
All in all, physical tomorrow, first diet starting Wednesday, going to try and upload pictures. WISH ME LUCK!
- Guinea Pig
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