In Two Weeks I'll Be Skinny ...

If you see a big girl running down the road with really nice running gear on, but obviously is not in shape, yea, that's me. Don't judge.

It's DAY 1 of my 14 day total body transformation diet. If you recall, I paid $50 for this Total Lean: Total Body Transformation kit from GNC. A little sweet-tart named Kyle sold me on the idea after he gazed at me with his pretty blue eyes and told me he had a lot of "repeat customers" with this program. (Oh Kyle, I'll repeat.) My mom asked me if I wanted to go to GNC on Sunday. I politely replied, "I think we should go during the work-week. Kyle really knows what he's talking about!".

The diet consists of a morning pill packet, evening pill packet, and two protein shake powders. I was actually really impressed because it also comes with a packet that explains what all of the pills are and how they work. Plus there's an easy to follow meal plan. No, they don't include crazy recipes that require 17 different ingredients and a fresh fish. The meals are simple: Lemon Herb White Fish, Turkey Wrap, Fajita's, Shrimp Salad. Not too tough!  The program requires that I eat five small meals a day. Two of those meals are the shakes from the box, with either blue berries or an apple with peanut butter (there are other snack options too but those two caught my eye).

Besides my healthy eating, which is suppose to be under 1500 calories a day I might add, the informational packet also says I have to do cardio 30-60 minutes a day, four to six days a week, along with upper body and lower body workouts on different days.

Here's the part I LOVE: I'm not going to the gym! Yes, this is true. You can catch my big booty jogging up and down ninth street and walking on the side streets. Let's be honest, I can't walk on the main roads because that's just embarrassing. I leave the "brisk walk" aka catching my breath, for streets like 10th and Polk. If you see me stretching, I'm also catching my breath then too.

However, like I said before, I have to do upper body workouts on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and lower body workouts on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I'll blog more in depth about the workouts in the coming days, but for right now, all I have to say is watch out Jillian Michaels, your commercials where you come into my living room like a crazy drill sergeant no longer intimidate me. Take THAT Mrs. Universe, I'm not impressed. A quick mention though, I don't have any free weights or Chuck Norris fitness equipment at home so I made due with what I had. I think I'm a genius, personally. For my upper body workouts, I took two one gallon milk jugs and filled them with water. For a rebirthed workout junkie, these may seem pretty light at first. Don't worry, you'll be burning after the first set. If not, try putting wet dirt, sand, or rocks in your milk jugs.

After starting my "intense" running workouts, I finally felt a little bit better about myself when I saw a man jogging past my house today. Poor computer junkie, his upper body was about two feet in front of his legs and it looked like he had to pick up his feet to move. On top of that, he didn't have any sort of I Pod or Walkman, or anything in his ears to keep him motivated. I mean, I basically have to stop running and take a breather every time my music changes because I can hear myself breathe and I feel sorry for myself. Remember: DON'T LET YOUR MIND STOP YOU BEFORE YOUR BODY DOES.

Quick mention, shout out to my grandma for letting me steal her weight scale. Finally I have a scale at my house. I've been sneaking into a fitness facility in Charleston and creeping past the front desk and using their scale. They caught me a couple times so I figure it was time to move onto the next one. On the down-side, the scale adds minimum 33 pounds to your current weight. I'm not joking, you tap it to turn it on and it's starts off at 33. Dang. That's a buzz kill!

You know what else is a buzz kill, ab exercises. Why you ask, because when I do crunches I can really tell how skinny my stomach ISN'T. When your rolls touch your tits, as your tits touch your face, it's not too sexy. Even I don't want to see myself doing abs. No worries though, it'll all be gone soon!

- A