12 Lbs. Lighter & Never Happier ... Maybe

Do you ever have one of those days where your stomach is a bottomless pit? Yea, well I've had one of those weeks. What. The. PUCK. I feel like I'm never full, everything fried sounds good, and the only other thing I want are cucumber sandwiches, and those are totally defeating the purpose. I have got to get back on track.

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a while, I don't even want to know the last time I did. I had writers block, and quite frankly I was embarrassed to say I had gone off track. Isn't that how all diets are? When you first start your diet you're all pumped and focused. You feel like you're the professional and you need to give everyone you know advice about "how to lose weight" just because you didn't eat the bun with your cheeseburger. I mean come ON, the diet kick for me usually last's about two weeks, then I'm over it. Good thing for us, we're on to the next diet.

Sensa keeps calling me from somewhere in Virginia. They think it's funny to call every morning at 8 AM to see if I want a free sample. Well of course I want a free sample, it's the $12 shipping and handling fee I'm having a tough time processing. It's 8 AM and my wallet is outside, NO I do not want to go outside in the cold morning air with my ass hanging out of my shorts and my hair looking like Medusa. Are you crazy Sensa lady? Rewind, for all of you who don't know, Sense is suppose to be a weight loss supplement you sprinkle over your food. I totally have 100% faith that one will work, NOT. Let me sprinkle it in my beer, will that do the trick? Idiots.

Anyway, I fell off the wagon for a bit but I'm back. This couldn't be a better time either because it's HOMECOMING here at Eastern Illinois University. I plan on wearing my brother's jersey to the game, and unless I want a nice 6 pack of rolls accompanying my 6 pack of beer, this bitch better get in shape. (I'm feeling feisty tonight.)

I just Googled "three day miracle diet" and Google thought it would be funny to finish my search before I did. What did Google find? "Three Day Miracle Prayer". Thanks Google. That's so thoughtful of you. Maybe this means I need prayer more then I need a diet? Who knows.

Back to the subject: I've been doing my research and this easy looking 3 day diet keeps popping up. It was featured in "Women's Health", among other magazines and journal articles. I believe I will attempt to tackle this diet tomorrow. It seems relatively easy too. The main points: consume less than 950 calories each day, only drink water, tea or coffer (no sweeteners), and do not skip any meals. Allegedly you can lose up to 40 pounds in one month on this program. This could be a winner. Below is the website which outlines a pretty simple meal plan:

http://www.wordsworthwriting.net/weightlossalaska/3%20day%20miracle%20diet.pdf

I also grabbed myself a couple workout DVD's. I PROMISE I'll write about those tomorrow or Wednesday. Plus, I've amped up my workout apparel. Hey, if I'm going to be the chunky kid on the treadmill, at least I'll be the best dressed.

Speaking of dressed, I have noticed that not many woman took my advice on NOT wearing spandex skirts. Although this is extremely surprising, just for the record, you all look ridiculous wearing spandex skirts and flip flops. I know you took to the time to get ready, so why are you wearing flip flops with your skin tight skirts. The least you could have done was go camando because your underwear line shows your barely-there muffin top. Plus when you wear high heals, it gives the optical illusion you're skinnier then you actually are. Ya welcome.

Needless to say I'm still 12 pounds lighter, I'm feeling great, and I'm loving life. This is actually ironic because I'm not as, I don't know how to put this without crossing the PG-13 line ... I'm not having as many sleepovers with the opposite sex as I was 12 pounds heavier. Whew, glad I got that one off my chest. You would think that since I lost weight I would be having more feather-flying pillow fights and long walks on the shoreline of Lake Charleston. Unfortunately for me, that part of my life has gone the opposite direction. Shucks.

Celery sticks and grapefruit for me this week. If you have any extra tuna drop it off at my house. Peace out home-skillets.